Just Another One to Check Off my Bucketlist

Growing up, I would tell my parents I wanted to be a doctor. Then that changed into wanting to become a nurse. Then a teacher and then back to a doctor. That was over twenty years ago, and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. But who says that our dreams and aspirations only have to be in one career field?

So this summer I am taking a different direction. Instead of starting in my masters program in education, I'm going to do something that I am also passionate about; I am going back to school for photography. Yes, photography! I will be attending UCSD's extension program and will be pursuing my associates degree in photography. However, I still plan on pursuing my masters degree sometime in the near future.

Will this mean I'll make more money at my current job? No. After completeing my degree, will it allow me to advance further in my career? Maybe. Is it a prerequisite for another graduate program? Nope. Do I have to do it? Absolutely not.

But will I enjoy every second of every minute of it? Absolutely. Will I gain the skills and foundations I need to upgrade from being a "photo hobbiyist" to photographer? I hope so.

I am so excited to take this journey on in my life. With my Hubster soon deploying, going back to school will also be an outlet for me to help me get through the deployment and keep me busy; not like having two little ones and working as a teacher does not keep me busy already.

Here's to following all of your dreams and aspirations no matter how big or small. Just another one to check off my bucketlist...

Toys

Toys, toys, toys. My son seems to have a bajillion toys. Yes, a bajillion. From hand me down toys, from his Lolo and Grandma buying him toys, to his Ninongs and Ninangs, and his Papa. And yes, I'll admit I am part of the problem sometimes. I mean educational toys are an exception, right?

In order to control the massive amounts of toys, I box about 70% of his toys and only let him play with the rest and rotate them out about every three months. I also donate a lot of his toys after he has lost interest in them.

My Boy was looking for a specific remote control key that he has taken interests in for the week. I always tell my son to put his toys away in his toy bin and clean up after playing with it so he will know where to find it.

My Boy: Mama, where's my key?
Me: I don't know. Where did you put it?
My Boy: Mama, where's my key???
Me: Did you look in the living room? Is it under the bed? Or maybe in the kitchen?
My Boy: No <insert sad face here>
Me: Well, I'm sorry son, but you know I always tell you to clean up. You know that means you have too many toys and I'm going to have to give some away because you can't take care of your toys.
My Boy: No, my key is just playing hide and seek with me.

Mother's Day and Everyday

Mama, Mama you know I love you
Mama, Mama you're the queen of my heart
Your love is like tears from the stars
Mama I just want you to know lovin' you is like food to my soul
Yes it is, yes it is, oh, yes it is, yes it is, yes it is oh"

---Boys to Men

My mom... I miss her so much. This Mother's Day I will be taking my daughter for the very first time to visit my mom. Just me and My Girl. Painfully, it will not be in her orchid garden, or a dance studio where she loved to jive and cha-cha, or at one of her favorite restaurants, but at her memorial site.

I lost my mom when I was only 17 years old when I was in high school. She passed away from metastasized colon cancer at the young age of 53 years old. There is so much I could write about my mom... her laugh, her smile, her generousity, and the list could go on forever. But today I just feel like grieving (and that is the absolute thing I love about writing. It's mine. I own it. I feel it. I'll write it. The good, the bad, and the ugly).

 I miss her. Miss her so much. At the tender age of 17 years old, I was naive, selfish, and immature. When my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer, I was scared, upset, and sad. However, I was a scared, upset, and a sad teenager whose world revolved around me. I was in that immature adolescent stage and didn't know how to wrap my head around my mom's illness. I was there for my mom and family during the trying time, but I wasn't fully there. Looking back during that time, if you were to ask me if I'd do anything different...absolutely. I would spend every waking second with her. I would have told her I loved her more. I would have hugged her and never let go. I would have brushed her hair. Smell her more. Yes, smell her. I miss her sweet smell of perfume. I would have taken more pictures of her. I think subconsciously that is why I do take so many pictures is because of my mom. I want to savor each and every second of my children. They are my world and I love them so much. I want them to know that, and I think that's why I try to capture as many memories for them to cherish. I didn't have that opportunity with mom. I sometimes day dream if my mom were still here on Earth with me of how much she would have loved my kids so much, but only for a little bit because it hurts too much. I know her heart would be pouring out with joy and love for my children. I could picture me always trying to get a photo shoot of my children with my mom and how much she would have love that. To pose by her orchids, or dancing and playing with my children at the park. She would have loved that. I would have loved that.  

Quite frankly, I thought that time would heal all wounds. Unfortunately, it has not in my case. Time has made losing my mom even more painful for me. As I was giving birth to my son and daughter, I was screaming for my mom. I wanted her more than ever to be the one by my side... and she was in spirit. Ever since I became a mother, espcially when my daughter came into my life, I find myself grieving more than when I first lost my mom. Not until I became a mother myself, did I know how much my mom loved me and I loved her. A mother's love is like no other.

So this Mother's day, and everyday, kiss, hug, cherish, and love your mothers.